Holding Pattern

My son's cell phone is mysteriously not working. He came back from camp and his phone won't take or make calls or texts.

Before I left the house last year in June, I'd gotten each kid a phone and put them on my plan. I wanted to make sure they had access to me at any time for any reason. I was inconsolable 6 months later in December when my account (and thus the kids) were shut off - I couldn't pay the outstanding balances nor even maintain the regular monthly payment.

For a brief period of time, I had very limited contact with the kids - only on the house phone which became a constant battle with their father who liked to refuse to let me talk to the kids unless I discussed certain issues with him first. Issues like: what hours was I working, what was the name of my doctor, whose name was on my credit card, how much money was I making. You know, important things he NEEDED to know if I was going to be allowed to speak to my kids. Several times I had to hang up without being able to talk to either of the kids. Then, he added them to HIS plan and they had phones again... so I could call them and they could call me and it was better. (I won't go into detail about how back in the summer my son kept saying that he didn't know I was calling him and I discovered that my number had been blocked from his phone - I showed him how to unblock it and then he was getting my calls again.)

Anyway, since I stopped speaking with my ex, stopped taking his calls etc, I've contacted the kids primarily on their own phones. My daughter lost hers so I just call my son's phone or they call me from his or from their house phone. Their house phone doesn't take messages though so when my son leaves his phone at a friends or if the battery dies, I can call the house phone but can't leave a message to let them know I've called. It's always a bit of a frustration but for the most part it works out ok.

Now though, his phone doesn't work at all. My only option is their house phone. For four days now I've had very very very little contact with my children. I know I'll see them in a few days, but I like to talk to them at least once a day - to stay connected, to keep the bond, to remind them of my love, my intention, my effort. It's actually been more than 24 hours since I've talked to them now. I've called. I've called numerous times at varied hours and I haven't even gotten a call back. I know they are fine, healthy, busy, etc but I miss them so desperately and I wonder why a parent can't be bothered to hand a phone to a child and say, "I see the caller ID and know your mom has called, you should call her back" or "have you spoken to your mom today? why don't you call her" or "I'll be at work today, you need to fold the laundry, sweep the kitchen, and don't forget to give your mom a call"

I miss my kids. I hope I'll get to talk to them today. I hope they know I love them, right now, right this very minute, and forever.

Love, Mia