Thursday, November 25

Trying for Thankful

I'm trying hard to muster up Thankfulness without bitterness this year.  For every thing I should be thankful for I find myself enveloping it in sarcastic bitterness.

I'm thankful I have 3 healthy children... even if my oldest lives 3000 miles away and my youngest are being kept from me.

I'm thankful I could talk to my children this morning and share some thanksgiving memories with them... even as they go to another woman's house to help prepare a feast to share with her, not me.

I'm thankful my children are having a full thanksgiving meal today... even though their excitement and joy about it wounds my heart with jealousy, loss, regrets, and irrational anger.

I'm thankful my daughter gets to make cookies today... even if she makes them with another woman, and eats them at someone elses thanksgiving day table.

I'm thankful for the 18 years of memorable thanksgivings I have in my heart... even if each one reminds me of everything that's been taken from me.

I'm thankful my family is safe, happy, warm, and loved... even though I can't provide that or share that with them.

I'm thankful that even if the whole world forgets about it, I know that I am still the mom.  I am... even if I'm the only one who remembers...


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